random stuff;general thoughts

so true!

U know ur Ukrainian when u eat bread with EVERYTHING.
2. U know ur Ukrainian if you or your relatives have at least five gold teeth in their mouth.
3. U know ur Ukrainian if u or 40 of ur relatives drive a civic, eclipse, camry,bmwm3 or accord.
4. U knows ur Ukrainian if your car windows are tinted twice the legal limit.
5. U know ur Ukrainian if 75% of your paycheck is spent on your car.
6. U know ur Ukrainian when you and 5 of your buddies fly down the expressway at 100mph + to try to beat each other to the local Applebees where there will be a 15 min wait to be seated.
7. U know ur Ukrainian if going over 100 mph is routine.
8. U know ur Ukrainian if you’re driving on 2 tickets and don’t remember what your license looks like.
9. U know ur Ukrainian if you’ve been driving without a license for 2 years. (or is that a Mexican?)
10. U know ur Ukrainian if you know the local cops (and their wives) by name.
11. U know ur Ukrainian when you say “lets meet at 9″, you actually mean “I’ll wake up at 9, take a shower, eat, watch tv and meet you at 12″.
12. U know ur Ukrainian if u stand around in circles of friends for an hour deciding what to do.
13. U know ur Ukrainian if u stand around in one huge circle deciding what to do.
14. U know ur Ukrainian when after leaving a restaurant, it actually means you’re going outside to the parking lot to talk for another hour.
15. U know ur Ukrainian if your uncle fixes cars from the auction.
16. U know ur Ukrainian if you drive a car bought from an auction. (which u will later sell and make a hefty profit off of unsuspecting American buyers).
17. U know ur Ukrainian if you have a UA sticker on your bumper, side window, license plate, back window, the other side window, roof? and dashboard.
18. U know ur Ukrainian if your life depends on how well u do in volleyball or soccer.
19. U know ur a new Ukrainian immigrant if you wear church shoes with jeans, shorts, or slacks… while playing volleyball.
20. U know ur a new Ukrainian immigrant if you tuck your shirt in your shorts.
21. U know ur Ukrainain when at least 5 of ur relatives are named Volodia, Yura, Olya, Oksana, Nataliya or Tanya
22. U know ur Ukrainain when all of ur cds are burned, or u bought them at a Bazar for 2 bucks a piece.
23. U know ur Ukrainain if u can make Perogis in 18 different flavors.
24. U know ur Ukrainain when u get kicked out of every go kart, theme park, and anything potentially dangerous.
25. u know ur ukrainain if you work construction
26. u know ur ukrainain if your grandma’s gossip is faster that your cable internet connection
27. u know ur ukrainian if one of your grandparents or uncle is missing a finger due to a farming accident in Ukraine (so true)
28. u know ur ukrainian if u have five leather jackets and matching gloves.
29. u know ur ukrainian if u keep your stash of cash under your mattress instead of a savings account
30. u know ur ukrainian if 12 of your friends get into a movie with only one ticket.
31. if u have a grandma whos name is bubba or hanya.
32. u know ur ukrainian if you choose to smoke parliment lights or marbalo lights
33. u know ur ukrainian when ur a step ahead of others, driving with ur parents at 14 and driving by urself at 15 with a permitt
33. u know ur ukrainian when u eat salo everyday

note for future reference..the strangest things make me laugh so hard that i cry….you have meaningful (note that) conversations with your toaster…im practically in tears

The Warning Signs of Insanity…

Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn’t expect tentacles to be growing from.

You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.

You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

You’re always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.

Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.

Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can’t understand you through that scuba mask.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you’ve stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

Your father pretends you don’t exist, just to play along with your little illusion.

You collect dead windowsill flies.

Every time the phone rings, you shout, “Hey! An angel just got its wings!”

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan’s Island because they weren’t rescued.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they’ll hatch.

You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it’s for security reasons.

Melba toast excites you.

When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because “the napkins have ears.”

You tend to agree with everything your mother’s dead uncle tells you.

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you’re a stalk.

You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)

People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

You keep thinking this is the year for the Red Sox.

You despise the voices in your head, especially the one that speaks only Hindi.

You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you from joining them.

The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.

You like reading lists like this.